More on our journey to parenthood

We began our journey to acceptance of our infertility with the question, “Why us?” The answer was very simple, because God had a different plan for our family.

Our faith life gives all of us what we need to face and cope with the human illnesses, tragedies and temptations of our human nature, as long as we turn to our Heavenly Father.

As stated in our first article, we were very involved in our parish and dedicated to attending liturgical services. However, we came to grow in understanding that a strong faith life is not just ritual, but relational. Faith is not just participating in all the beautiful services of our church, but in growing in our relationship with our Father.

We went through all the emotions of the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Even after the medical diagnosis we hoped the doctors were wrong, and every month was a letdown for both of us. I, Rita, avoided going to baby showers.

A cousin had a baby born with a fatal heart condition, and I asked God to save the baby and promised I would never ask for a child for ourselves again. During this time Bill not only dealt with his feelings but tried to be strong and supportive of me.

One of the most challenging parts of our journey was not taking to heart what others said. Individuals, including parishioners, often made comments or questioned why we weren’t trying to have children or why I was more focused on a career than on being a mother. At times, Bill was victim to sad attempts at humor with comments about how he had it easy not to have to deal with a pregnant wife.

This journey was about our desire to parent and raise children as part of our chosen life together. These folks did not know our story, but these comments became a lesson to us. We should never assume things about people, and we need to be careful on the comments about people’s lives, particularly in our parish family, where we should be more understanding and loving.

As our journey continued, our prayer life further developed. We both gradually began to pray for wisdom and courage to find what God wanted for us as a couple.

One of our deepest prayer experiences was at a shrine while praying the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary in front of the Lourdes Grotto, as part of an evening procession. Contemplating the mystery of the Annunciation made a particular impact on us. The words, “May it be done to me according to your word” (Lk 1:38) took on more meaning.

From that point on, our prayer was not “give us”, but to be open to God’s will. I began to pray nightly for any woman who was about to have an abortion. I prayed that she would find the wisdom, courage and support to change her mind and bring this child into the world.

Bill prayed nightly for the courage and wisdom to know and accept God’s plan. We did not realize at the time that this nightly prayer would lead to the next decision in our journey.

Follow Rita and Bill as they continue to share the inspiring story of their journey to parenthood in the next issue of Horizons.
 
As published in Horizons, Nov. 11, 2018.
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